Family Drama

My sister died this year.  I was told her family was struggling financially.  I reached out to let the family know I'm here for them to help if needed.  After many emails and conversations, I ended up paying for my sisters cremated remains, URN and for the death certificates - for a total of $1,829.30.  I thought if they are struggling that is the least I can do for my sister.  I flew out to Colorado to attend the service.  My daughter and both sons flew out too.  I paid for the hotel and some other cost to help them.  Flight from MD to CO, hotel cost, meals, transportation -- it adds up.  By the time the trip was over I was in for probably $5K.

The day we arrived to spend time with my sisters husband - he directed us to their spare room and told us to go through boxes to see what we needed to keep.  He intended to get rid of everything if we didn't go through it right then.  And to add insult to injury -- he tells us he is leaving to go to dinner with his brother and sister in law - leaving us alone in his house.  No offer to invite us, or to ask if we'd like him to bring something back -- just off he goes leaving us in the room filled with boxes.

The day of the service, my sisters daughter and son asked my other sisters son to pick up the food.  He went and took the credit card they gave him.  Unfortunately the card didn't work and he ended up paying for all the food.  He had to pick it up and on the way one platter fell out of his truck and he had to go back and purchase another one!!  Are you kidding me???  My nephew paid for the food at my sister's service?  Who does this???  I contacted my niece and nephew and said it was wrong to put the cost burden on my nephew.  If they needed money to pay for the food, I would have done so.  This made me not so popular as they told me it was handled, my nephew was OK with it, and it was none of my business.

Fast forward to now.  Thanksgiving comes and I send a flower arrangement to them.  I know the 1st anniversary is so hard.  I send a Christmas gift.  I even receive a Christmas gift.  I'm thinking things are moving along and are ok.  I'm trying to stay positive.

Yesterday I get an email from the funeral home.  They billing me for $42.  WHAT?  I email the funeral home and ask what they are billing me for???  Funeral home replies it's for the death certificates.  WHAT?  I paid $118 for that as part of the original $1,829.30.  My other sister jumps into the email asking about it.  Long story short - the funeral home says they made a mistake and removed the bill.  Then my niece jumps in and says the funeral home told her there would be an additional cost.  AND if her "Aunties" can't pay for it, she will.  WHAT??  My sister jumps back in and says the issue has been resolve.  My niece says great!

SO if my niece knew the funeral home was going to ask for more $$ to pay for the final death certificate, why didn't she just pay for it then?  Why would she let the funeral home send the bill to me.  I'm so beyond disappointed with this family.  My poor sister.  She deserved better than this.

Today I let go.  I'm not here to pay for anything else for my sisters family.  I'm not even here anymore to be a part of their life.  I let go of social media contacts with them.  I loved my sister dearly and this hurts.  But time to take care of ME and to let go.